


Memories on Hold

by TheGodsDaughter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Thor: The Dark World, Creepy Loki (Marvel), Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Irondad, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Loki is a piece of shit, Mutual Pining, Protective Loki (Marvel), Reluctant Lovers, Slow Burn, Sweet Loki (Marvel), This is a very slow burn that is slower than slow, Thor is Not Stupid (Marvel), Thor is a Good Bro (Marvel), Unresolved Sexual Tension, You Have Been Warned, kiss or kill?, no y/n
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:22:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29982120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGodsDaughter/pseuds/TheGodsDaughter
Summary: You get to meet Kyna of Asgard and a bit of her backstory. She falls from heaven and somehow ends up attacking the security men of the Stark Tower.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character, Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Natasha Romanov (Marvel) & Reader, Thor (Marvel)/Reader, Tony Stark/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	1. one. Remember When I Fell From The Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to meet Kyna of Asgard and a bit of her backstory. She falls from heaven and somehow ends up attacking the security men of the Stark Tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you! First things first, this is my first Loki fanfic ever *phew*! I am a little bit scared about what people will think about my fanfic. I enjoyed the first chapter so far, and I hope you do as well. I also wanted to make it clear that it is super important to read the tags in the beginning, because this is a SLOW burn. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it! All the mistakes made here are not intencional. I do appreciate any constructive criticism and comment you may have! I promise you'll get more Loki in the next chapters.
> 
> All the characters besides Kyna and the ones I've created on my own belong to Marvel.
> 
> Final Note: This is a SUPER VERY EXTRA MEGA SLOW burn. I am aware of it. It's just that I want it to be realistic. I hope you understand!

I knew I was capable of much, even if my mother would say no. Although all this time has passed and still, I certainly did not know I was capable of doing this. After being submitted to decades of suffering in the hands of my mother; of being naive for thinking she'd somehow change her behavior; of not finding enough strength within my body to just walk away from her and leave my worries behind. My hands were sticky with sweat and my knees were wobbly.

"I fear that I am not allowed to do so, Miss," Heimdall said ever so calmly looking down at me with his glowing yellow eyes holding his Hǫfuð steady in place.

I let out a shaky breath trying to regain control over myself.

"Heimdall, you do not understand. I can't- I have to leave." I said far more calmly than I felt on the inside.

"And why do you not tell me why you want to leave Asgard, child?" He arched an eyebrow at me. I couldn't tell him the real reason why I desired so badly to leave Asgard. To be truly honest with myself, I didn't want to leave Asgard, to leave my sisters behind, but I wasn't capable of living with my mother anymore. I comprehended that she had her own reasons to be angry, but I did not agree with her methods of punishments – even more when I had done nothing to deserve such. I wasn't the one to blame for her inner fights.

"It's a lot to explain and I think I don't have enough time to tell you everything." I inhaled sharply, remembering the ways my mom would punish me if I came back home and had to explain where I was,  _ trying to run away from her _ . "Heimdall... I've never asked you for anything, I never left this Realm – not even once, neither did I give you any reason not to trust me. I only ask you this." Now with both eyebrows raised he stares intensely into my eyes. He didn't move a muscle and I was afraid he wasn't going to let me through the Bifrost. I tried my hardest to hold eye contact but I failed after a few moments. He sighed deeply contemplating the sword, then at me again,

"Does your mother know about your will to leave?"

"No." I said, not looking into his eyes.

"Lady Kyna..." He said my name in an even tone and I could sense negation.

"Please..." I whispered to him, eyes beginning to form tears. I tugged on my dress’ long sleeve to focus on something else other than my growing preoccupation that he would say no and I would have to go back home. Back to her.

"I hope I do not regret this decision, I am blindly trusting you, do not make me take this back," I smiled what was likely the first genuine smile I've expressed in a long time and exhaled whilst a single tear rolled down my cheek. "Come closer," he ordered.

I walked to where he had pointed and only then I realized something I should've worried about before.

"Wait," I held up a hand to stop Heimdall as he motioned to the Hǫfuð. "Which Realm am I going to?" I asked and then I noticed how dumb I sounded. If I wanted to leave a Realm, I should've at least given a thought to where I was going before.

"I thought you knew. Aren't you the one who's keen to leave?" He asked, leaving me in search of words that did not come. "You're going to the best place that could accommodate you now. You'll know what to do once you land. Trust your judgment, and be wise, young one. And try to stay still."

"What–"

Before I could even finish my sentence, the deafening roar and blinding light of the Bifrost came in. Suddenly the ground beneath my feet was swept away and I closed my eyes tightly, hugging my arms together around me. I tried my best not to scream or make any scene – who knows who was facing me on the other way? I certainly did not want to arrive somewhere new screaming like a crazy goat. I opened my eyes a little bit and that's when I saw. I saw the wall of rainbow light that was hurtling me through space at a thousand miles a second. There were thousands of feet below me – but I couldn't make out where I was, I realised dazedly. There were stars and big planets and rocks all around me, but I couldn’t make out if they too were still or rushing to wherever the universe was taking them. The surrounding ambience was drawn on an ink black canvas, but there were an endless amount of colours splashed here, there, and everywhere across it. Before I could follow one colour, I saw a dozen others. It was truly bewitching. It was so pleasant to look at, a respectful way to make me dizzy. I looked up and saw the light grow larger and larger as I went higher and before I knew it, I was on solid ground again. I grunted in pain and squeezed my left cheek while my eyes got used to the brightness.

I stood up, almost falling again, and studied the environment around me... It looked like an open garden, except it had no flowers or any plants at all, only grass – however, the grass did not feel like grass. It was like a much dryer grass. I put my hands over my eyes to cover my face from the sun and crouched down to touch the weird grass again, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘐?

There was no one in the same field as me, but I could hear many different sounds and muffled voices all around. There were also honk sounds and barking.

I turned around once again, cursing myself that I did not have any sort of useful weapon, only a stupid small silver dagger I managed to sneak out of my mother's expensive weapons room a week ago– I knew nothing about where I was, people here must have much powerful weapons and ways to hurt intruders. I quickly snitched my dagger out from under my dress skirt and began to move forward.

Whatever this place was, it did not look like Asgard at all.

The view was somehow beautiful, but it seemed so busy with lots of people walking up and down the streets wearing strange pieces of clothing. I, who was strictly committed to wear dresses since I was born, found it very strange that women here could wear such revealing types of clothing.

Back in Asgard, I often felt jealous of Sif, who could use pants and tight clothes. My mother would never allow me.

"You think you have the body to wear things like that?" She asked me one day, pulling me by my arm laughing maniacally. "You don't. You saw Sif down there; she has the perfect body to use that, my darling. You, don't!" She said, so sweet, I know.

People here looked too busy inside their heads that didn't notice a 6'1" tall girl in a puffy dark dress that went all the way down my legs and all the way up my neck that just appeared out of nowhere under their noses. My family's very tall, not my fault.

There were also weird big things that moved being hosted by four rounded things that rolled fast and I presumed that's what made them move so rapidly.

I was still in the field. What was I supposed to do? Go up to one of those curious ordinary creatures and say "Oh hi, I just came from another Realm through the Bifrost, could you tell me where am I exactly?"

It must have sounded pretty decent to me, but not to the woman who I had asked. She looked me dead in the eye, creeped out and kept walking. These people certainly did not have manners. Not even a ‘Hello’.

Since no one wanted to give me answers, I decided to continue walking.

This place was really an interesting one. I had never seen such a thing. Well, I hadn't left Asgard, so it was presumably acceptable for me to feel this way. I guess.

As I walked I could see that people stared at me. They didn't even try to hide it. I was in my Asgardian clothes, they weren't ugly. Why all that staring then? I felt much more superior to them,  _ I _ looked superior to them. They wore those simple garments and stared as if I was an alien, Hel.

Some of those fast sliding things would make a loud honking sound as I passed in front of them. I imagined it was a way to say 'Hi' in their own ways, so I waved at them every time they did so.

There were a lot of tall buildings, covered in glass, or other shiny materials that made them stand out in the picture. I stopped in front of one of those big edifices to try and take some information out of the men that stood in front of it. Maybe they were the guardians. They didn't wear any armor, as far as I could see, only some black and white clothing. They also had black things in their ears and eyes.

"Hello, sir." I said confidently. Approaching new people wasn't an easy task to me, but I've learned well from my so lovely mother that would push me and tell me that I was not supposed to let people know that I felt scared or repulsed by them, in order to make me look tougher every time I showed any bit of emotion. With time I learned that she'd taught me something useful for once.

"Good evening, how can I help you?" His voice was dragged and low, as if he did not wish me to ask for any help.

"I am Kyna of Asgard, and I would like to know–" I was just about to ask where we were but he cut me off shaking his hands nervously between me and him. His expression had also changed. What once was a plain face drained from emotion now was filled with horror.

"I must have misheard, Kyna from- from where?"

"Asgard," I repeated, tilting my head slightly down in confusion. "Could you tell me what's the name of this perplexing Realm?"

He then pressed his hand on the small black thing he had on his ear and said, "Mr. Stark?" A brief pause. "We have... We have an Asgardian standing in front of your building." He said and I was beyond confused. With whom was he talking to? Who was "Mr Stark"? I looked around. And clasped my hands together.

"Look, if you can't help me, don't waste my–" he interrupted me again and my patience started to run out.

"Miss, would you please follow me?" He opened the tall glass door in front of me and whispered something that I was sure was for me.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked once I got into the building. It was a large space and had some people walking here and there. Some stood by the counter in the left, others walked out of a metal door that had opened and closed on its own.

"Mr. Stark wishes to speak with you." He told me and grabbed my arm. In an instinct I yanked my arm back, pushed him against the wall and pressed the blade of my (mother's) golden dagger over his throat and looked at him with wide eyes, who is he and how dare he touch me?

"Do not touch me." I snarled.

Other three men came from behind and attempted to pull me off him. I turned around and pushed them far to the ground. While I was busy, another man dressed in even more simple clothing appeared suddenly, yawning.

"I will not follow you before you tell me where we are and what your name is!" I demanded the man who tried to get up from the floor, but as soon as he saw my knife in front of his eyes he backed up.

"What's your name?" I asked once he did not respond to my question.

"What's with all that yelling?" The man's voice came from behind me. I turned around quickly and pointed my dagger at him, Norns. I wasn't expecting to be facing so many people after running away from home.

I wasn't any Valkyrie but I knew a little bit of fighting. My mother never allowed me to train with the other kids. She'd say that I wasn't worthy of becoming like my oldest sister, Ragna, who was an incredible warrior; one of the best I'd seen.

"What's your name?" I asked. My posture was rigid and steady. The man stood a few feet away from me and just stared. He had this hint of smile on his face but none further.

"I am Tony Stark." He said his name. I hadn't a single clue of who he was, but by the way he said it, it sounded as though he was someone important. He held out a hand, perhaps I was supposed to shake it, though I didn't.

"So you're this 'Mr. Stark' that wishes to speak to me?" I lifted my right eyebrow slightly and crossed my arms over my chest. He withdrew his hand back and shoved it in his pockets.

"That's me. And yes, I do want to speak to you." He smiled.

"Why?"

He studied me for a few seconds before saying, "I heard you're from Asgard. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

Every other head in the room turned to me and the men behind me stood up. Suddenly I felt more confident. I did not get to be the center of attention every day, and it felt oh, so good. Tony narrowed his eyes.

"Would you please follow me into my office?"

"Will you answer my questions if I do so?"

"I will."

I searched his face for any sign of lies, therefore I couldn't find anything. So I followed him. We didn't say a word while we walked. I saw people walking past and they smiled and greeted Tony Stark. Perhaps he really was someone important in this Realm.

It took a while but finally we arrived in a white room with big windows. It had a big couch displayed in the middle of it, and a lot of other decorations, tables and lights here and there. You could see almost the whole Realm from the window. I'd appreciate it more if I wasn't somewhere I didn't know, inside a place I didn't have a clue where it was with someone who could very well be an enemy.

"So, Kyna, right?" He asked as he served two glasses of water.

I nodded.

"Do you want some water?"

"No." How could I know it wasn't something cursed or poisoned?

"Alright," he sighed, setting the other cup down and taking a sip from his own. "You should relax. I just want to ask you some questions."

"I will ask you my questions first, then, if convenient, I'll  _ relax _ ." I said the word with disdain while rolling my eyes.

"Okay. Wanna sit down?" He pointed to the seat across from his. Instead I stayed where I was, near the large window, sun over my skin.

"Where am I?"

"Earth."

𝘌𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩 ? Heimdall really sent me to  𝘌𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩 ? I ran my hand through my hair. I shouldn't be ungrateful. So I swallowed hard and thought perhaps it was the best Realm available at the moment, although the people here weren't very welcoming, making me feel on edge and alert.

"Are you a king?" He cocked an eyebrow playfully to me. "Or someone important to the people in this place?"

He smiled smugly, "You could say that. I am a king, yes."

"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Tell me where you're a king Stark?" A beautiful woman came into the room. She was stunning, with her red hair falling into her shoulders and a black outfit. "My name's Natasha, Natasha Romanoff. And this jerk is definitely not a king." She went over to the big white thing with two doors and came back with a bottle. Stark rolled his eyes and looked back at me,

"So, Kyna... how did you get here?"

"Bifrost."

"Who is she? Never saw her around." Natasha asked, eyeing me up and down. I looked out of the window and said bluntly,

"I am Kyna of Asgard."

"Oh, another Asgardian..."

My head snapped towards her eyebrows glued together in confusion.  𝘈𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 ?

"What do you mean another?" Suddenly I was scared that, if there was really another Asgardian there, they would try to take me back, or tell my mother, or... Or...

"I mean that there is another Asgardian here. Two, to be exact. Two complete idiots."

It couldn't be...

"She's right. Thor and Loki. Those two appeared here to cause some chaos, and help too–"

"How is Loki any help?" Romanoff spat bitterly.

Loki? Thor? I knew they had left Asgard before me, but we didn't get the chance to discuss where they were going. Were they really here? They must have noticed the look on my face. Weird and shocked.

"Sit down, woman," Stark told me. This time I did.

"You mean to tell me– Loki, the God of Mischief and the God of Thunder, Thor are both here? Now?"

Stark gulped down his water and nodded at me. He ran his finger through the bridge of his nose and settled the glass down. "Do you know them?"

"Metal man," the voice that I knew too well bellowed down the hall, coming closer each step he took. "Loki is complaining about his chambers being too white. He insists on me asking you to allow him to redecorating the whole–" his voice dropped as soon as he saw me on the couch. It was really him.

“I don’t want you to ask him anything, I can do it myself. Why are you so noisy? What is it?” Loki stopped beside Thor. Thor looked almost the same, the difference now was that he had a lot more muscles.

"Kyna?" I stood up in a fraction of second and stared at him. It has been quite a few time since the last time we saw each other. Firstly my mother had forbidden me from seeing him, since "I was too foul to be friends with Odin's son"; then he had gone to another Realm. I missed him. And mostly, I did not presume we'd see each other in this situation.

"Thor." I said, failing to hide a smile.

"How many times will I be interrupted this evening?" Tony said dramatically.

Thor's loud laugh echoed through the room and I was sure people two floors below ours could hear it too. "Kyna! What a surprise, my lady!" He walked up to me and opened his arms to hug me. I flinched and he stopped himself. I awkwardly took two steps back and looked out of the window again to avoid his eyes.

"It's fine, do not worry! In the name of Odin what are you doing here? I definitely did not foresee this."

"Thor, now you want to presume the future, too? How ambitious of you." Loki said from the doorway. He was... Different. Not the way I had seen him last time. Now he looked... definitely different. Mature, even. My heart skipped a beat once the memories of how I felt for him in the past resurged. I cringed at it. I never loved him. No, love's a word too powerful and strong. But I used to like being around him when we were kids. Unfortunately, I was prohibited from meeting with him a long time before Thor. I guess it's pretty obvious why.

"Brother! Look who it is!" Thor smiled widely. Loki's eyes ran through my tall figure with literally no emotion at all. I wasn’t shocked. Stark cleared his throat and got up,

"Why are you here, Kyna?" He wasn't asking me in a bad way,

"I had some problems in Asgard. I had to come here."

"Why?" He insisted.

"Because..." My gaze shifted to Thor, who stood beside me and studied my face with interest. Then I began to feel indifferent. Why did I need to answer him? Very well, I wasn't. The truth was that I didn't know what to say. "As I said, I had to." Thor must've noted my mood change and stepped in,

"My lady Kyna, do you have a place to stay?"

Romanoff enjoyed the show from the sofa, sipping on her whatever that brown bottle was.

"I just found out where I am, Thor. Definitely do not know a thing about Midgard."

"You can stay here.” Well, that was unexpected.

“Can she?” Tony Stark asked from the kitchen counter surprised. Guess I wasn’t all that welcomed.

Thor smiled at him. "She's my friend, a long-time one, she's not a troublemaker."

"I'm not sure if I trust her enough to let her stay in my Tower–"

"I don't need your approval for anything!" I hissed. "Besides, I do not wish to stay in this horrid place that reminds me of a prison cell!" Loki chuckled from behind Thor.

Tony crossed his arms, "Have you ever been in one?"

I snorted and began to walk out of the room, Loki stepped out of my way but Thor called me back,

"Then where will you stay?" His voice sounded worried.

All the eyes were on me and I shifted my weight between my legs, nervous. "I don't know. I'll figure something out."

"See?!"

"She's definitely clueless,” Tony laughed looking at Natasha, “but you can stay here if–"

I strode towards Tony holding out my dagger, clueless? Oh please.

"I am not clueless."

"–if we work out her temper." He finished tilting the dagger down with his finger.  _ The audacity. _ Thor clapped his hands loudly and I huffed. "Get that knife out of my face, would you, sweetie?"

"Our dinner just arrived! I was looking for you– oh! I didn't know we had a guest." Another woman entered the room. She had strawberry blonde hair and wore white pants and a green shirt. She was very slim and beautiful as well; though she did not look as young as Natasha. I was the one to talk, 873-years-old were quite a bit. Thank whoever I needed to thank that I could still have my young appearance. So in this case, I looked a little bit younger than Romanoff.

"Pepper, this is Kyna of Asgard," Tony announced. "Thor and Loki's friend."

"I'm not Loki's friend." I murmured.

"Nice to meet you! I love your dress!" She came up to me and stretched out a hand just like Tony did. She squeezed her hand shut when I didn't take it and kept smiling.

"She doesn’t even know how to say 'thank you'! Wonderful! A feminine version of Loki!" Tony sang as he walked to sit on the table.

"You–" I began irritated,

"Lady Kyna, would you have dinner with us?" Thor stepped in front of me.

"No.” “Thanks." I added after a few seconds.

"Come here," he beckoned me to follow him to the table where everyone now sat, Loki on the very end, Natasha in the middle, Tony and Pepper together across from her. Thor sat beside Loki, who rolled his eyes. "Sit here, my friend." Thor motioned to the seat next to his. I did so, placing my knife on my legs under the table.

"Would you like to have a drink, then?" He slid a glass with a black liquid in it to me. It had bubbles and looked cold.

"This is really good, Thor likes it. I think you would, too." Pepper told me while I checked the cup with a frown.

I felt so out of place. I ran away from my mother, arrived in another dimension, fought with four men, for some weird coincidence the same dimension I got thrashed out in was the same as my old acquaintances and now I was drinking a black thing in the table of an arrogant man; all this in less than an hour. How could I?

"What is it?" I was interested once I had tried the thing. It was nothing like the drinks we had in Asgard. It burned my throat as it went down and tasted funny. I inspected it through the glass again and drank the rest.

"It's called Coca-Cola, my friend. It kills you." Tony said while poking his food.

" 𝘞𝘏𝘈𝘛 ?" I slammed my hand on the table.

"Tony! It doesn't kill you, Kyna," Pepper eyed Tony. "I mean, it does, but slowly."

"Thor, what in Fenrir's teeth is this woman saying?"

"It kills you? I didn't know!" he looked startled as I was, although much more calm.

"But you Asgardian arses are so stupid! It does not kill you! Only if you drink a lot of it. There's plenty of sugar on it and with time you can get diabetes and shit." Natasha spoke up.

I threw the glass on the floor making the mortals flinch and stood up. The floor under me now glowed with black bubbles and glass.

"Hey! I liked that cup!" Tony cried out.

"Is she staying?" Thor asked innocently.

"No." Tony said simply.

"Yes, she is!" Pepper got up, "She clearly needs our help."

"No, I don't."

"And we have plenty of rooms around here. We already have two of another dimension here, why not one more?" She asked him.

"Because I do not fancy more broken glasses!"

"We can work on that." She fixed her shirt and stood beside me smiling. "Would you like to stay, Kyna?"

"Yes, she would! It's the safest place for her. Don't you agree, Loki?" Thor turned towards Loki, who looked up from his plate with no interest at all.

"Please, Tony." Pepper pleaded and I found that it was pathetic. I mean, making yourself look smaller to get what you want? He sighed and she jumped grinning.

"Come with me, Kyna, I'll show you your room!"

"I didn't say yes!" Tony yelled from behind us.

"I'll put her in the free room on the floor underneath us!" Pepper walked me down the corridor and into one of those metal compartments that opened and closed.

"You know, Tony can be an ass with people, but I promise he's more than that." Pepper assured me. I hummed in response as the door opened and I was facing another white corridor. They must like white in here for I had noticed nothing other than... White. There were various doors – white doors – and she opened the one in the end of the hall. Guess what? A white room. She stepped back so I could enter the room. As I did, I noticed there was a neat bed, a small corner couch, a big black screen, a door in the opposite corner and a few plants in the bed tables.

"What's that black screen for?" I walked towards it and touched it; it was cold and didn't have any reaction as I ran my fingers along it.

"It's a TV. You can watch the news, movies, TV shows..." She grabbed a little thing on the left bed table and pressed a button. Suddenly the black screen had life. I noticed that there were people on it, talking and showing a bunch of stuff. She pressed another button and it changed screens again, now there were a man and a woman kissing. I looked away and walked to the closed door on the other part of the room.

"Where does it lead me to?" I looked over my shoulder; she had turned the black screen– TV off.

"To the bathroom." I opened it and it was more white. It was a simple bathroom. Nothing like the Asgardian luxury but it was alright, usable.

I closed the door behind me and looked at her. She seemed sweet and kind. She was also very friendly. Maybe I should relax more.

"Is your name really a condiment?" I sat on the bed and felt the soft mattress under my finger tips. All at once I felt tired. I wondered how it would feel to lay down on this. Most likely to feel like resting upon clouds.

"No!" She laughed. "It's only a nickname. My name is Virginia."

"Would you prefer me to call you Pepper or Virginia?" I asked softly.

"Pepper, please. We're friends, aren't we?" She sat beside me on the bed. I took my hand out from where it was and stared at her. How could we be friends if we just met? People here must be easy to fool – I thought.

"What's a nickname?" I asked, not sure if I had pronounced it correctly.

"It's like a short name for a person. A funny, cute or – sometimes bad." She explained.

"Why are Thor and Loki here?"

"Loki is living here and so is Thor. If I didn't hear wrong, Loki was banished from Asgard by his father and condemned to stay here on Earth." She shrugged. Wow. I absolutely did not know that. I wasn't one to keep up with the shining royal family, but I must've been really oblivious not to know that. "Are you... Are you related to them?" She rounded the question shaking me out of my thoughts.

"What?"

"Are you related to them? Family?"

"Oh Gods no!" I scoffed. "We met in Asgard once we were kids. Me and Thor are closer than I am to Loki. But no blood related."

"So you're a native Asgardian?" She crossed her legs elegantly.

"Yes." Wish I wasn't.

"Is your family important? I mean, highness or–"

"No." I asked, the corner of my mouth twitching. "Why do you ask so much? It's annoying. Don't you have work to do?" I got up and stared down at her.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to get to know you better..." I then felt guilty. I knew this feeling of being told to shut up too well. I huffed angrily at my sudden softness,

"It's alright. It's just that I've got a thousand problems going through my mind right now."

"No, I apologize. You might want to rest and I'm here asking you things. I'm sure we'll get another chance to do so, right?" She smiled again. She had a beautiful smile.

I looked away from her gaze. Once she closed the door I got up and went to the window. Just like every other room around here, the window was enormous and took place of the wall. The sun was beginning to set down. The sky gave my eyes a splendid view. It almost looked like a painting. Various shades of pink, orange, yellow and blue were displayed behind infinite tall edifices; its windows reflected beautifully the colors above. Down there were the moving things. We must've been really far from the ground because every single person and the moving things looked like little dots sliding around not so fast now. I laid my right hand on the glass gently. It was cold against my hand. I was so immersed in the divine sight that I didn't even noticed when Pepper knocked on the door.

"Kyna?" I turned around. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to startle you. I came here to give you these clothes. I don't think this dress is very comfortable, although very gorgeous, I think those are more adequate." She motioned to the pile of clothes on her arms.

"Adequate for what?" I asked.

She shrugged one shoulder, "Sleep. Here, I brought a few because I didn't know what you would prefer." She handled me the clothes and I nodded putting it on the bed.

"Goodnight, Kyna."

"Good night." She closed the door and I began going through the clothes.

I first noticed the rosy fluffy ones. They were the same colour, a light pink. Shorts and a shirt. The second one was another conjunct of soft sleep vestments, white and blue pants and long sleeved shirt, also had little moons in it. The last one was a silky green with zebras. They all showed a lot of skin. My mother would've reprimanded me only for looking at it. But she wasn't there, right? I began taking off my dress and placed it neatly on my bed.

I had no clue how the bathrooms worked here and ended up having a cold bath when I couldn't figure out how to get that water to warm up. Sadly my powers didn't count with heating things. I got out of the bath quickly and cursed myself for not knowing more. I stepped in the clothes I'd chosen and loved how the fabric felt upon my skin. I walked out of the bathroom to look into the biggest mirror they'd put in here. Indeed it showed a lot of skin. My legs were bare and so did my arms. I got a little closer to the mirror and jumped back in shock when I remembered why I couldn't wear clothes that showed my arms. I took off the shirt and put on the green one. It had long sleeves so it gracefully covered my arms. Surprisingly the clothes fitted on me. I was a little bit taller than Pepper and the shorts were just too short but it was alright. Better than sleeping in a long dress.

I waved my left hand and yellow sparkles flew from the movement towards the clothes, folding them in a second. I then grabbed the pile and brought them to my bedside.

I sat on the bed a little later, lights off. The lights from the busy city kept my room not so dark. Head resting against the wall, I closed my eyes.

I did it. I was far away from her.

My mother. The person who was supposed to love me, was the one who had scarred me the most. She mustn't have noticed I wasn't there. No doubt she didn't even care. I wasn't too worried about that. Not at all. I was feeling something inside of me that I didn't feel for so long. It was as though my heart was beating too fast but then suddenly it stopped and kept me excited.

In the depths of my soul I was grateful for being on Midgard. For being in this Tower. Sure, Tony Stark wasn't the best but he solemnly agreed on me being there, even though I could snap his neck anytime. Pepper was lovely, I wouldn’t tell her that, though. But she was nice to me when no one else besides Thor was. I was also joyful for finding Thor again. Me and Loki never allowed each other to get closer, and it was better that way. I hoped. I wasn't willing to change that, now that my life seemed to finally get better. After some hundreds of years of living I was feeling free. But not completely. She could find me. She almost always did.

I slid under the covers and it felt just like I'd predicted. Even better.

Thinking about my sisters and if they missed me, I fell asleep in no time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what do you think of it?? Please, let me know by sharing your thoughts in the comments or even leaving a kudo. They're highly appreciated since I do not make any money from my writing. Thank you and see you in the next chapter!


	2. two. Remember When Janis Ian Went Partying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyna makes herself feel more at home and learns about Midgard. Trigger warning: anxiety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm back! First of all I'd like to thank everyone that left kudos on the last chapter. Also, 145 hits already? Oh my, I love all of you. I'd also like to thank the comments I've gotten, they were so nice, made my heart warm <3 Be advised that in this chapter we will witness an axiety attack, so if you're not comfortable with that be aware!   
> I hope everyone have a good monday and an amazing week!

"How dare you run away from your home?!" My mother yelled, holding my shoulders down on the bed. I was terrified. I thought for a fraction of second that going to Midgard was just a dream and in reality I was home. With her. 

She dug her nails onto my clavicle and I swear I could feel it in my bones. 

"All I've done for you! I've fed you, gave you clothes and a roof to stay and you run away from me, Kyna?" Her voice was louder than I've ever heard before, it was so loud I could feel my ears buzzing as soon as she stopped speaking to catch her breath.

"And what are those clothes?” She looked down at me. “Do you think you are what?  _ A woman with no shame! _ That's what I'm witnessing! You foul piece of–" she began ripping off the clothes from my body and the sudden coldness made me shiver.

"Mom,” I squealed. “Stop! Stop it please!" I would scream but it didn't make her stop, only worsened it; she was getting the exact reaction she wanted. It pleased her to see me like that, it has always been. 

I was still in the room Stark had provided me, however our screams seemed to go unnoticed. "Please, it hurts!"

She pulled me towards her by my jaw, nails creeping on my cheeks, "I hope it hurts, so you can feel the way I did when your dad left me because of you." She spat coldly.

Then I woke up. Sweaty and breathing heavily. My eyes were open but I couldn't move. My limbs ached everywhere with adrenaline; it took me a second to fully regain my conscience. It was all a nightmare. An awful one. Good, the best way to start off the first morning here – I thought. 

I touched my chest to see if I was still in my clothes – I was. Then I sat up on the bed slowly. I was used to having nightmares, but not so intense like this. I brushed the hair off my face and walked to the bathroom. I turned the light on and didn't look in the mirror-- afraid of what I’d see. 

I then looked up, my whole body shaking. My eyes fluttered closed as I saw my face. Completely normal and untouched. Not entirely normal-- actually it was red, very red, and my forehead was dripping with sweat. I took a few deep breaths and washed my face with the cold water. Now I was grateful that it wasn’t hot. I put my hair in a high ponytail. It was a mess; I must've turned around a lot during the night. 

I went over to my window. The sun was just starting to appear behind the buildings and the city sounds were low, but audible. It was early, and I did not know if the people here woke up early. I decided to examine the room a bit. Inside the drawers, in the bedside tables were a few thin things that looked like the TV remote, like Pepper told me yesterday, one smaller and another of the same size. In the other drawer there was a book. I didn't read much in Asgard, but that's not because I didn't like to– on the contrary, I love such activity. My mother didn't want to buy new books for me because she didn't want me to be smart like my other older sister, Hertha. Hertha’s the third child; me being the fourth, Ragna the first and Beyla the second. All girls, yes. 

The book I had found in the drawer was about human psychology. Good timing, facing that I would stay in Midgard. Although I did not feel like reading after being almost killed by my mother. Also, I was starving. The only thing I’d eaten so far -- actually drunk, was that one cup of Coca-Cola that, as it seems, kills you overtime. In Asgard we would have big breakfasts. I lowered my expectations because those mortals would never be able to make such a feast; neither could they match the savoury tastes I had in my Realm

I put the book back into its place and made a mental note to read it later. Walking to the empty closet I took my old dress out of it. My dress wasn't all that fancy, she wouldn't spend money to make me look better. Not even if it damaged her image. Thinking back to yesterday, I was rather astounded that Pepper found my dress pretty. I wasn't one to get compliments of anyone often. 

I pulled on my blue dress and put the clothes I had used back into their places. I sat down.  _ What now?  _ Was I going to have breakfast with them? Breathe Kyna, breathe, you can do this.

I hoped no one made me mad today, because I was already on edge. Lovely.

I was growing bored of sitting around waiting for any sign of life out of my door, so I got up, checked myself on the mirror once again– my colour was back to its normal. 

I opened my door slowly. The corridor was empty and had an orange-ish light from the sunrise. It was good seeing something different than plain white. I walked down the corridor and stopped in front of the metal automatic compartment. There were two buttons. I took a step back and contemplated my options. What would happen if I pressed the left one? Would the Tower go flying? 

A door creaked open on my left and there was Loki leaving his room. He was dressed in Midgardian clothes. He didn't notice my presence so I went back to the buttons. If I pressed the right one, would everything explode?

"What are you doing?" He asked me, not so happy. Was there any moment where he was, though?

"Thinking." I answered without looking up. I saw from the corner of my eye Loki leaning over the wall and staring at me. 

"What?" I hissed. He rolled his eyes,

"Pathetic," and pressed the lower button. 

I crossed my arms over my chest and stepped in front of him when the door opened. 

“Not everyone is here as long as you are. Not everyone is banished from their Realm for being futile--”

“What did you call me?” He pressed me to the wall. I attempted to pull him off of me, but it was no use,

“Futile,” I whispered nonchalantly with a smirk. “But tell me, am I wrong?” I asked innocently. His eyes never left mine and after a moment he released me. I squeezed my throat to ease the pain where he had his hands not so long ago.

“I wasn't wrong.”

“We weren’t friends in Asgard, don't expect to be different here.” He added quickly, looking over his shoulder.

I came closer to him and said, “You have nothing to offer. I don’t expect  _ anything  _ from you.” He never made any efforts to show kindness, that made me sad as a kid that he would do everything to impress Amora, but never looked in my direction. No matter what I did.. But, as an adult I understood perfectly why and cursed myself to think that I possibly act the same way with people. Before I could get sad again the doors opened. Kitchen.

Loki’s shoulder bumped into me and he walked out of the compartment. I huffed and smoothed down my dress,

"You can't keep eating like that! It's unhealthy for a man of your age!" Pepper extended an arm trying to get the sweets out of Tony's hand.

“Good morning,” I said as I sat down at the table with everyone.

“Morning, Kyna. Would you please tell Pepper that I am not old and I can eat my sweet, sweet doughnuts anytime?” Tony sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Good morning Kyna, and no, you can’t eat as many as you want, you’ll develop diabetes and these diseases are a red flag for older people--”

"What do you mean?” His voice was higher than the normal, “I'm in my best form, sweetie."

"Metal man, we run out of Pop Tarts again." Thor complained,

"Of course, you keep eating them. They'll end at some point." Tony rolled his eyes.

“Good morning, Thor.” I said over the discussion.

He smiled fondly at me, “Good morning!”

“Is every morning like this?” I asked as I passed him the bread he had pointed to. 

He chuckled, “Yeah, you’ll see, my lady, this morning is one of the calmest ones.” 

"Reindeer Games, did you sleep well?" Tony attempted a cute voice and asked Loki, who huffed annoyed. “Rock star is in a bad mood, what’s the reason?”

“Stop, Stark. Then you ask why he doesn't like you. Oh, so you’re the new girl I’ve heard about? My name’s Bruce, Bruce Banner.”

“I am Kyna.” Bruce took a seat beside Thor and served himself a cup of a steaming hot black drink.

“Our little friend is moody today. Anyone want to bet the reason why?” Tony looked around, “I bet fifteen that he misses mommy.”

Loki stood up all of sudden, the chair fell to the floor as he walked down the corridor. No one said anything for a good two seconds.

“That was surprising. He never leaves without confronting you.” Thor thought out loud. 

“Tony! Why don’t you stop being randomly rude with him?” Pepper hit him on his arm.

“‘ _ Randomly rude _ ’? This man destroyed a city two years ago and it’s nothing but a pain in my ass.” He stuffed the last bite of his doughnut on his mouth. “Tell me that’s not a valid reason to not like him.” Pepper just sighed and turned around to look at me. She was dressed in blue shorts and an oversized shirt which I presumed was Tony's.

“Would you like some eggs? There’s also bread and that cake over there, but--”

“That cake’s mine, don’t you dare touch it.” A new man came in, interrupting Pepper. “Who’s the new kid?” He looked at me.

“I’m Kyna of Asgard.” I lifted my chin up. “And definitely not a child.” 

He arched an eyebrow at Tony then after grabbing an apple, sat down beside me smirking. “Another Asgardian? I see… well, I am Clint or Hawkeye, whatever you want.” He said and gave me his hand to shake. Reluctantly at first but I took his hand and shook it cordially.

“Well, that’s progress.” Tony eyed the doughnuts and grabbed one more,

“Give me that. Don’t- don’t make that face- anyways, Kyna,” I looked up at Pepper and swallowed a piece of bread. Dry bread. It was bad, but it would suffice. 

“I think since you’ll be staying here with us,” she continued, “nothing better than getting you clothes, don’t you think? We could go today, I only have to make a quick call; after that I’ll be free.” Tony sneaked the sweet from her hands, “Do you want to?”

Sure, I was staying here and I couldn't stay with this dress forever; also, it’s not the type of vestment these people use. Since I got there she’s been the nicest to me, why would I say no?

“Sure, if that’s not bothering you.”

“No! It’s my pleasure, I love shopping!”

“I’m sure you do.” Tony murmured under his breath,

“Shut up.” She stood up, “I’ll meet you on the first floor in fifteen minutes.” And left.

“Do you know how to use the clock?” Tony asked me,

“The what?”

__________________________

Two weeks have passed since the day I arrived on Midgard.

A lot of things have happened since then. Firstly, that day after I finished breakfast, Pepper and I went shopping. We bought so many new clothes for me, each one more exquisite than the other. I had insisted with her a couple of times that she was spending too much money, “It’s alright, money is not a problem.” It’s what she’d say. At the end of the day my closet had a vast variety of tops-- colorful and plain. Fancy blouses and dresses… We also got plenty of pants, shorts and the most beautiful skirts I’ve ever seen in two Realms together.

After that Tony insisted that I decorated my room the way I desired. I never got the chance to say no to anything. All that ‘get whatever you want’ behavior was making me uncomfortable, but deep inside I was thrilled. He told me I could pick any and every type of furniture I fancied, of any color and size too. By the end of my first week my room looked like a scenario to one of those fairy movies Pepper had shown me-- which I didn't quite like to be honest. Pepper… The way she behaved with me was respectful but she always tried to get under my skin, talking sweet, walking in eggshells as though I were a baby. It could be the fact that they didn’t want another ill-behaved guest in their Tower. Clever, I must admit. Being sympathetic with me so I didn’t go around destroying cities and killing innocents. 

The room was colorful and not all white as it was before. It did not match my persona at all, but that’s what I used to dream as a child, and I was so happy that I finally got it. I didn't bother about it looking like a child’s room, I loved it.

The following days I decided to learn more about Midgard and its costumes and traditions. Not going to lie, it’s rather interesting if you have an open mind-- and patience. Thor helped me with a lot too. Seeing that he was also an Asgardian, he told me the best way to learn this and learn that. He struggled often with explaining technology, but I tried to take the best out of it.

The technology of the Stark Tower was pretty complex on its own, but I loved a challenge. There were so many screens everywhere, buttons, controllers, automatic things that blew my mind. It took me two days to memorize every door and how to get to them. 

Speaking of Thor, he told me about his Jane. He smiled broadly while doing so. I was happy for him. Happy that he found someone that made him happy. She sounded like a good girl and he had promised to bring her over so we could meet each other. 

I also found out about the disaster in 2012. What Loki had done. Was I surprised? No. Impressed that he never lost his bad manners? Yes. For what I had been told it caused a lot of loss and damage to the city. Poor families.

Loki and I only ‘talked’ when we bumped into each other. Hardly exchanged a word, and when we did it was threats or random bickering. 

_____________________________________________

  
  


“So I just put a little bit more powder and… Ta-daa!” Pepper convinced me to let her use makeup on me. We discussed this matter for two days in a row since she wouldn't give up. “Here, look in the mirror,” she handed me the mirror and my jaw fell to the floor at the sight.

“Jesus Christ!” Tony’s laugh grew louder and louder to the point where he had to squeeze his stomach. I could see in Thor’s face that he wanted to laugh.

“It’s not that bad!” Pepper sighed and rested a hand on her chin.

“Not that bad? She looks like Janis Ian!” Thor couldn't hold it in anymore. 

“Looks like you were punched in the face. Awful.” My eyes landed on Nat, “Why would you let her do this?” She clenched her stomach too.

“Take it off!” I demanded, but Pepper was too busy crying of laughter after admitting it was horrendous.

I sighed exasperated, “Who let them in my room?” and waved a hand over my face, makeup’s gone.

“You know how to do magic?” Tony asked wide-eyed. 

“Of course,” I snorted. He nodded. 

“Gods, this is horrendous!” Thor’s laughed more, and more…

“Get out, all of you! Norns!” I got up and sat on the bed, crossing my legs, clearly mad.

“You- you know, I forgot to tell you this earlier,” Tony struggled to breathe. “But your training begins tomorrow. Steve agreed to train you.” 

“What training?” I lifted an eyebrow.

“If there’s an attack, any help is welcome. So we need to have you in shape and prepared.” He wiped a tear away.

“I would have agreed on training you, but Tony was not deserving of my mercy.” Natasha crossed her arms.

“You know what, I don’t need your ‘mercy’.”

“Good, because I wasn’t willing to give it to you, either.” And left.

“Which time is the training and who is Steve?” I stretched my body on the bed.

“Captain America, Capsicle, Old Man… You’ll know when you see him tomorrow.”

I pondered a bit and finally said, “Why do you really need my help?”

He shrugged, "I don't know. We're always facing problems. Plus, everyone here helps."

"Really?" I cocked an eyebrow, "Then what do you do, Almighty?" Sass dripping on my voice. Pepper put a hand over her smile.

“So you’re on her side?” He pointed to me and looked at Pepper. She help up her hands and walked up to him,

“Come on,  _ Almighty _ , we have work to get done and I need to start getting ready!” She tugged on his arm, making him get up.

“See you later, Janis Ian,’ he said before closing the door behind him.  _ Who the Hel is Janis Ian? _

After watering all the plants I had in my room (yes, I am a plant addict), I took a quick shower and wrapped the towel around me once I stepped out of it. That night Stark was throwing a party. I heard that those never ended well. Regularly they would end up with fights, police barging in the door or even unexpected attacks. But Tony told me in private that it was all lies and his parties were the best ever thrown. Since I arrived in Midgard I hadn’t experienced any parties or interacted with anyone beside the ones within the Tower I resided. I was a bit nervous… alright. I was very nervous, but looking forward to it, too. I wanted to do something different than waking up, wandering around the infinite corridors and going to sleep after. I looked in the mirror and promised to myself to enjoy the night despite anything. I deserved to have fun. In Asgard I rarely went to parties. So what if I just enjoyed myself for two hours or so?

I opened my closet and studied my options. They told me it was just a casual party, nothing too crazy, however, I still had no idea how to dress. I could dress glamourous, simple…

Finally I decided to go with a pink silk skirt with a white tee tucked in. The skirt reached gracefully to my knees. It was so beautiful. The fabric of the skirt was soft and comfortable against my skin, yet it looked fancy, classy. I completed the outfit with beige high heels, a delicate watch on my wrist and a thin golden necklace. My hair flowed down my shoulders and I never felt more elegant. I didn’t attempt to do makeup, simply because I didn’t know how. I smiled softly at my reflection.

By the time I got to the party it had already started. Many people talked and danced to the music. Others were sitting and chatting casually while sipping their drinks. The ambience was soft and I felt my shoulders lower and I sighed. That’s when I felt someone placing their hand on my shoulder,

“It’s just me!” Bruce took his hand off my shoulder when I jumped at his touch. He laughed softly,

“Do you want a drink?” He asked.

“That’d be great.” I grinned once I had relaxed again. He walked me to the bar where people sat talking and joking on the barstools. He looked good. He had this dark red suit on matched with a pretty white tie.

“You look nice,” I commented as we sat on the stools.

“So do you,” he waved a hand, “your skirt is lovely.”

“Thank you.” I looked over the crowd of dancing people.

“What would you like to drink?” He rested an arm on the counter with his body turned to me.

“Hum… I don’t know any Midgardian drink besides coffee and Coca-Cola.” I laughed, “What do you recommend?”

He narrowed his eyes and licked his lips, “I think you’d like to try a classic, the Martini.”

“So that will be.”

He called the bartender and asked him for two Martinis. 

“Can you get drunk?” He asked.

I shrugged, “I don’t think so. Thor told me your alcohol is too weak to make such an impact.”

He nodded and we grabbed our drinks as the man handed them to us. It was a clear drink and had three olives in it. I lifted the glass to my lips and took a sip. Bruce looked at me expectantly,

“So?”

“It’s peculiar, but not bad.” He then drank his.

“Do you like Stark’s parties?” I crossed my legs trying to mimic the way Pepper did. Probably failed.

“Not much.” He shrugged. “But I was bored and free tonight, so why not come?” He smiled.

I looked down at my lap and then shook my head to take the hair off my face, 

“Look who it is!” Tony opened his arms as he came walking in our direction followed by a man. A really good-looking man. He was strong and I could see his muscles through his tight velvet blue suit. I arched an eyebrow at him and he looked at Tony, “Janis Ian and Green Goliath!” Tony wrapped an arm around Bruce’s shoulder while his other hand was occupied with an orange drink. 

“Bruce, I need to have a word with you about a thought I had this morning-- oh, this is Steve, by the way.” he nodded at Steve and then left and took Bruce with him.

“May I sit here?” Steve pointed to the empty seat.

“Yeah,” I said. 

“Kyna your name, right?” He intertwined his hands on his lap.

“Kee-na, not Kina.” I drank the rest of my drink and placed the glass down.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” He chuckled nervously.

“It’s fine,” I shook my head. “Nice to meet you, Captain America.” I smiled at him.

“The pleasure is all mine. Do you fancy another drink?” He lifted his eyebrows tentatively.

“Yes, I would.” He didn’t ask me what I wanted and ordered two Cosmopolitans.

“Are you enjoying the party so far? It’s your first, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is. Well… It’s average.” I sighed. I was really starting to get bored just sitting and talking. He must’ve noticed.

“Have you danced yet?” He set his cup down.

“ _ Dance?  _ I can’t dance, darling.” I shook my head smiling.

"That's not true. I bet you dance just fine. C’mon,” he stood up and extended a hand. My eyes travelled between his hand and his blue eyes that looked purple under the red lights. Was this really happening? A man inviting me to dance with him? Not any man, Captain America was asking me to dance with him. I smiled shyly and got up. I took his hand and he took me to the dance floor. Thank Gods it wasn’t a slow song. 

“How do I do this?” I spoke loudly over the blasting music so he could hear me,

“Just move around to the music!” And then he started dancing. Not dancing _ ,  _ he began moving around awkwardly. But it was a fun awkward. 

“Come on!” He laughed. 

Everyone around us was dancing like that, so I did what they were all doing. And let me tell you, it was fun.

  
  


**“** **_Out the box, outta line,_ **

**_The affliction of the feeling leaves me wating more._ **

**_‘Cause I may be bad, but I’m perfectly good at it,_ **

**_Sex in the air,_ **

**_I don’t care, I love the smell of it._ **

**_Sticks and stones…”_ **

  
  


The music blasted loudly on my ears and I just left my body to do what it wanted to do. Not caring how stupid I looked. I smiled from ear-to-ear and swayed my body along the music with my eyes closed. That moment I felt so carefree. As though I didn’t have anything to worry about. As though I was just like the other Midgardians, mortal and able to feel. People bumped into each other and spilled their drinks but it didn’t matter at all. Until I bumped into someone...  _ special _ .

“Hey!” he said, pissed. “Watch your step, woman.”

I hadn’t even noticed that I had left the dancing floor and Steve somewhere in the middle of that crowd of sweaty people.

“Shut up. Can’t you enjoy this party for a minute?” I rolled my eyes and grabbed one of the champagne glasses when a waiter walked by.

“I would, if it wasn’t for you being short-sighted.” 

“I didn’t even do nothing! You’re just so annoying.” I scoffed. He looked down at me and crossed his arms. He was wearing a black suit, with black tie and shirt. His hair slicked back as always.

“No wonder your mother despises you,” He began, bitterly cold. He knew that I didn’t appreciate this matter. “Can’t walk like a normal person and manages to throw herself at the first man that appears.”

“How dare you,” I snarled. “I didn’t throw myself at anyone.”

“Oh no, no you didn’t. You were just about to ask Rogers to go to your room.” The mischievous look on his face was pretty noticeable. 

I lifted a hand to slap him but unfortunately the idiot was faster and grabbed my wrist, “Let me go!” I hissed.

“Or what? You’ll tell mommy?” He smiled creepily.

I yanked my hand back, “Why can’t you just mind your business? What does Steve and I dancing have to do with you?”

“Nothing. I am just remarking here that you looked stupid there. All that smiling doesn’t suit you well.” He looked away from me and nodded towards the dance floor.

“Enlighten me, when did I ask your opinion?” I narrowed my eyes. “I’m not going to let you ruin my night.” I said and made to walk away,

“Go, find your Rogers. Maybe he’s gone to the bed already.”

I turned around but then Thor appeared beside him.

“Everything okay, Kyna?” He asked, looking between me and Loki.

Loki stared at me looking as nonchalant as ever. That bastard. “Yes, everything’s just fine.”

Thor smiled and grabbed my hand slowly not wanting to startle me. I confess that I was getting softer on this matter. Not even a single soul attempted to attack me-- besides Loki, but he doesn’t count, I’m not scared of him. 

“I want to show you someone,” he whispered.

“Who is it?” I asked on our way to wherever he was taking me.

We walked until we got to the corner of the room where there was a couch and some chairs displayed on the floor. There was a woman sitting on the couch alone. The moment we got there she looked up and smiled at Thor,

“Kyna, this is my lady Jane!” He said.

Jane stood up and smiled at me, “I’m Jane, nice to meet you!”

“I’m Kyna, nice to meet you too.” I said and we sat on the couch. “Thor has told me a lot about you, I was wondering when I would finally get the chance to meet the famous Jane he won’t shut up about!” I thwacked his forearm.

Jane laughed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “I hope it was only good things…”

“Oh yeah, they were. For what he’d told me you’re the sweetest and strongest woman he knows.” I tilted my head forward to look her in the eyes since she would not. Oh, she was blushing. Adorable.

“I’ll leave you ladies to talk.” Thor excused himself and went over to Steve and Tony who were having a competition of who had the best pick-up lines.

“So…” she began, “you’re from Asgard?”

“Yes, I am.” I leaned back into the couch and loosely crossed my legs. Jane wasn’t any extraordinary beauty, but she had this natural glow that made her gorgeous. I wish I looked like her-- fascinating without even trying. 

“Thor really seems to like you.” I said, “He’s so happy whenever he’s talking to me about you… And you seem like a good person. You’re lucky to have Thor,” I glanced in his direction and there he was, bickering with Tony about whatever. “And so is he to have you.” I turned back around and smiled at her. She smiled back and said some things back but I wasn't able to hear.

A sudden wave of sadness washed through me. I stared at the people dancing and talking all around the room. They had their own lives. Their loved ones. They had problems too, that I knew. But they were lucky to have true friends and people who cared about them. I didn’t. I didn’t want to feel like a victim or act like one. It was just the truth. I didn’t blame anyone besides myself for the way I felt. I wanted to be happy. I really did. But how? How does one become ‘lovable’ overnight? I desired to have friends and have people close to me, though it could be dangerous. When you let people in, you’re allowing them into the mess that you are. And I can’t bear losing people just because of my stupidity. It was stupid. Because that’s what happens when I allow people in: they leave on their own, or I am just not good enough to make them stay. Was that the reason why I was rude to people? To keep them away so that way no one gets hurt? Would I change? Would I change just so that I could feel loved and desired? Would I-

“Excuse me, Jane, I have to go.” I stood up and walked to the elevator, not looking back. I bumped into some people and heard them curse me. I had to get to my room. My breathing was caught up on my throat and my hands were sweaty. My mind began to go blurry as many thoughts and worries ran through it.  _ Stop it. Stop it.  _ I told myself. 

“Ouch! Get out of my way!” I yelled as I bumped into someone and the person pulled me to them by my wrist.

“Bumping into me twice on the same night? What an attention seeker you are.” Loki’s face was close to mine. Too close that it just got worse. I closed my eyes,

“Loki, let me go, I have to get to my room.” My voice cracking as I whispered.

“Why?” I opened my eyes and tears started slipping out. 

“Just let me go.” I tried to yank my hand from him but he held me in place. Arching a brow he asked,

“What’s going on? Did someone hurt you?” Was my anxiety playing new tricks with me or did I sense worry in his voice?

“Let me go, Loki.” I tried to focus on my breathing.  _ In and out. In and out. In and out.  _

“Fine.” He hissed, releasing my arm abruptly making me stumble back. I was going to talk about his behavior later. Now I was too dizzy for that. 

My fingers were shaking as I pressed my floor’s number and the doors closed. I held tightly on the wall as though I was going to fall. My head was going a hundred kilometers per second. I hated anxiety attacks, or panic attacks; at that point I grew used to having them that I couldn’t tell the difference.

I closed my room’s door behind me in a hurry. I locked it and kicked off my heels as I sat on the edge of the bed. My head throbbing. 

_ See, you worthless woman? Even thinking about ‘making friends’ makes you break down.  _

Stop. 

_ A small thought made you act dumb in front of lots of people. Can’t you get yourself together, whore? _

__

“Stop it!” I held my head in my hands and yelled into the darkness.

_ Why? You don’t deserve friends, Kyna.  _ My mother’s voice.  _ You’re not worth anyone’s time and much less affection. And you know that. _

“Stop it! Stop!” I shrieked to the floor. 

_ You just refuse to see.  _

“No!” I laid my head on the floor and cried until my tears drowned the damned voices. After I don’t know how long I put my hand on the bed to help myself get up and get in the bed. I didn’t feel anything. My face was stained with my tears and my eyes dry. 

Then I heard a knock on the door.

“It’s me, Kyna. It’s Thor.”

I turned to the side and closed my eyes as more tears threatened to fall.

  
  


I slept with my party clothes on that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts???
> 
> 1\. As you saw, Kyna suffers from anxiety. Really bad anxiety. It breaks my heart to write about this, but I think it's a little bit easier since I also have it. For everyone out there that suffers of this, I wish you the best, and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to dm me whenever on my Instagram: the_godsdaughter
> 
> 2\. PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW WHERE THE NICKNAME IS FROM!! Haha, Janis Ian is from the 2003 movie Mean Girls. I love that movie and somehow I think Kyna relates to her (??) Maybe it's only me. 
> 
> 3\. The song mentioned in the party, is S&M by Rihanna.
> 
> Please leave a comment about what you think of this chapter! It could be also a sugestion if you have any! Kudos are also appreciated.  
> I hope you liked it and see you in the next chapter! <3


End file.
